I'm open! Give me the ball!

The NFL labor talks are stalled as the lock out continues.  The NBA lockout started this week, and both sides are digging in their heels.  (The Round-Mound-of-Rebound has said repeatedly that he doesn't think there will even be a season this year.)  It is almost 90 degrees outside (120 degrees according to the photos from my Arizona Facebook friends), so I can't force myself to think about hockey right now.  True, baseball season is reaching its midpoint, but does anyone care?  If you are like most fans, you love going to the stadium... for the food.  (A good friend once described the price of a baseball ticket as the cover charge to eat stadium food.)  Do you really want to watch baseball on TV in July?

What is a sports fan / addict / junkie (pick the most appropriate term) supposed to do?!?

Fear not!  For I bring you glad tidings of great joy!  Here are ten great ways to get your "sports" fix in July.  Get out of your rut comfort zone and try out one of the following:

1. Do you like high-speed crashes? death-defying descents? hold-your-breath suspense? drug-related intrigue? Have we got the event for you!  The Tour de France started yesterday, beginning a three-week race unlike anything else in the world.  Two hundred athletes will ride over 2,000 miles (3,500+ km for any metric readers) across France, climbing to the top of both the Pyrenees and the Alps.  In the process, there will be crashes, accusations, amazing comebacks, and lots of danger.  (For the best coverage, check out Versus on TV, or http://letour.fr/ on the web.)
2. Are three billion people enough of a recommendation to try something new?  Football (or soccer for us Yanks) is the most popular sport in the world.  Sure, our US Men's team just totally choked in the Copa America, but the US Women continue to win in the Women's World Cup.  And MLS (yes, there is Major League Soccer in America) is in full swing.  People complain about there not being enough scoring, but that is less of a problem in the MLS -- Americans never were as good at defense.  And besides, 90 minutes of "run until you puke" action is a much more impressive athletic feat than running 90 feet, waiting 5 minutes, running 90 feet... then going to sit down.
3. When was the last time you heard someone grunt and moan and scream on television?  Saw athletic bodies in inappropriately small outfits in prime time?  (Get your mind out of the gutter!  Besides, the Supreme Court hasn't lifted the FCC rules... yet.)  The Wimbledon Tennis finals are this weekend. And if that isn't enough, there are tournaments scheduled almost weekly for the next several months.
4. What is more American than hot dogs on July 4th?  How about eating 68 hot dogs in 10 minutes?  Every July 4th, Nathan's Famous holds it's annual hot dog eating contest.  Yes, it can be disturbing to hear about the "gustatory feats" each competitor achieved to be invited to the event.  But like any good wreck, you can't help watching.  Not a sport you say?  ESPN shows the contest live every year, and has one of THE MOST entertaining "pregame" shows of the entire year.  Check it out at Noon (Eater Eastern time) on ESPN -- it will become a July 4th tradition!
5. Yes, it has been over 18 months since any PGA wife swung a golf club at near her (soon-to-be-ex) husband.  That doesn't mean nothing exciting is happening on the golf course.  The 22-year-old Rory McIlroy (yes, that is really how you spell it) has been taking the tour by storm.  After breaking several records at the US Open (including some held by a certain mononymous - but not monogomous - golfer), Rory is making big waves.  Watch him again the British Open starting July 14th.
6. Do you like to drive fast?  I do.  My wife even gave me a chance to ride in mini F1s for my birthday a few years ago.  I love the thought of really getting to drive a car at 200+ mph.  And while I have seen a couple of smaller grand prix type races, I am certainly not a "follower" of Indy nor NASCAR.  (If it weren't for godaddy.com, I am not sure I could name any of the racers.)  While I am much more interested in driving than watching, it may be the thing for you.
7. Have you ever watched a movie that was so bad, it was good?  You just couldn't stop laughing?  Then you need to go watch some of your local little league teams play.  I know I said watching baseball without food wasn't that exciting, but this is different.  Kids run the wrong direction, get hit with the ball because they were picking rocks, and slide into every base.  It can be a riot.  Take two other friends, and you can do your own version of Mystery Science Theater 3000.  (In fact, please do take a couple of friends.  Going to watch little league games by yourself is just too, too creepy.)
8. You could also spend some time preparing to watch your favorite college teams this fall.  Between graduations, suspensions, "retirements", and other changes, you may not know who is who.  Lots of studying to do. (I do think it is funny all these guys that left school early to go pro, and are now locked out.  They could have spent another year living off the boosters practicing and earning their degrees.)
9. Have you got kids?  If they are like mine, they are always making up a new game or sport.  And the rules seem to change all the time (imagine Xíng háishì bùxíng: the Chinese game Barney plays on How I Met Your Mother).  You may not understand what they are doing, but it can be funny to watch!
10. Are you still reading this?  Are you sitting back, having a snack, while you reading this?  Well, I really appreciate the support, but have a better suggestion for getting your sport fix... Get up and be your own sport!  Go for a walk or a run.  Dust off that old bike and do your own ride.  Swim with the kids.  Sign up for a league to play baseball, soccer, golf, anything!  You just might like it!

Good luck taming your sports "jonse-ing".  And for all my fellow Americans, have a super Fourth of July!